The founders of ‘Merica Snax have traveled from the rolling prairies of Montana to the Appalachians to find the best flavors that money can buy – and many money can’t. (We must never speak of the horrors of their sacrifice.) They embarked on this great quest in order that May 28th, ‘Merica Launch Day, might be the day that this great nation is finally delivered the flavors of patriotism it so desperately needs and deserves.
In these trying times, nothing will unite this nation like premium snacks and drinks crafted with love, care, no artificial colors, and most importantly, the ‘Merican Way. It doesn’t matter if you’re white, green, or purple – because we have flavors for all of those. The critical thing is that you, friend, are ‘Merican. And we are ‘Merica Snax.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – ‘Merican Classic – 16fl.oz (480ml)
Just like Jim, we’re classic and classy as heck. To deliver the feeling of a cool brisk breeze on Jim’s naked body, combined with the taste of your favourite Cola, we’ve developed Classic Cherry Cola Red, White & BOOM. Enjoy.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – Freedom – 16fl.oz (480ml)
Have you ever emptied out a bottle rocket, filled it with French fries, canned cheese, American flags, stuffed the entire thing in a deep-fried turkey lit the entire thing on fire and held it over your head standing in the back of a ’67 El Camino, driving past the Washington Monument while blasting God Bless America over a pair of subs? Of course, you have, you’re ‘Merican.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – ImPEACHment – 16fl.oz (480ml)
Well, the only treasonous thing about ImPEACHment flavoured Red, White & BOOM is not drinking it. The only bribery going down here is your brain bribing your mouth to drink more of it, specifically by releasing details about your mouth’s tawdry exploits in Daytona Beach for Spring Break ’08. And the only high crime or a misdemeanour is not ripping your clothes off to expose your stars n’ stripes undies when you swig back this freedom fruit, this ‘Merica medley, this libertylicious peachy keen ‘Merican dream.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – Justice (Kiwi & Strawberry) – 16fl.oz (480ml)
‘Merica Energy’s Justice Flavor has arrived to permanently reset the scale, keeping one eye open to ensure our nation never backslides into energy drink tyranny. Now, what does all that jazz taste like? No idea. Just kidding. It tastes like Kiwi Strawberry.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – Lets Make ‘Merica GRAPE Again – 16fl.oz (480ml)
For those who’ve abandoned hope in tasty flavours for energy drinks, who’ve submitted to the endless procession of impostors’ bland flavours, and unrealistic promises, ‘Merica Energy welcomes you into a great, national crusade.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – Liberty (Blackberry Lemonade) – 16fl.oz (480ml)
Turns out, she was seeing into the future and describing us faced with the trash fire that energy drinks have become. That’s right, we’re the huddled masses, yearning to breathe free because of the smoke from this garbage fire is choking our lungs in the aisles of convenience and grocery stores from sea to shining sea. Enter Liberty, like a gas mas soaked in blackberry lemonade, flying onto your mouth hole to save you from breathing in the smoke.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – Not Your Granny’s Apple – 16fl.oz (480ml)
We remember Ol’ Gran waking up the entire block as she pulled into our house, nestling her chopper into place directly on our front lawn, kicking in the door, throwing on her “Snitches get Stitches” apron – what a jokester! – and lovingly serving some apple-flavoured whoop-ass for us rascals to drink. It’s a Rockwell painting when you think about it.
‘Merica Energy Red White & Boom – Victory – 16fl.oz (480ml)
The family member pressed further. “What’s victory to you, like?” Tears welling in his eyes, reflecting on the end of a little of valour, like spoke his final words: “Victory is kicking a Nazi in the pee-hole while drinking a cream soda”. In honour of like, we’ve canned that feeling in a taste. Enjoy.